The broken sonet

I'm not in the mood for being happy and polite
or in the mood to smile or tell jokes
I'm not in the mood to make new friends
Neither to keep the old ones that close

I just need the moonlight and a lit bit of silence
I only want to have a nice meal and eat it without any guilt
I don't want to be happy only on 'study time'
I want to have someone around my arms (or my fingers)

I'm not asking for any special care
and I don't think I deserve it
but some care would make me better

Now let me pretend to be bright
bright enought to simulate a sonet
or just keep living